Last Musings of 2009

Is it weird to change or go to the bathroom in front of your dog? I guess it is reciprocal for us watching them pee and poop on a walk.

If you have a lisp, at what age do you decide to not sound like a child any more? I mean get the thing fixed already!

When is a blue collar town going to be referred to as the town of people who did not try hard enough?

Empire State of Mind

Jay-Z and Alicia Keyes have a new song called an Empire State of Mind. Get it? Not New York, because that would have sounded too much like Billy Joel's New York State of Mind which most people associate the title with.

Here are some other song titles they played with but felt it would have been to similar to Billy:

Keyboard Man
Captain Jacques
You May Be Correct
Scenes from a Venetian Resturaunt
I Go Over the Top
An Innocent Male
Uptown Lady
Only the Good Die Small
It's Still Rock N' Roll to Myself
Upset Young Man

Best Halloween TV Specials

The best part about the holidays outside of food, candy and presents, OK fine family, are all the cool cartoon/TV oriented specials. I still get giddy when I see ads for shows I used to love as a kid. Since it is Halloween, here are my top five favorite Halloween specials:

5. Bugs Bunny's Howl-Oween Special - Granted, this was just a rehash of old cartoons, but I love watching the episode when Bugsy pal is dressed up like Hansel and the witch tries to eat him.

4. Paul Lynde Halloween Special - I was 3 years old and I was just blown away because KISS made it's national TV debut and performed three songs.

Take into consideration you have Paul Lynde, Margaret Hamilton, Witchie Poo (Billie Hayes H.R. Puff n Stuff), Florence Henderson performing a disco version of That Old Black Magic and Disco Lady. Oh yes, The Osmonds!! All of this ads to a cornucopia of what the hell is this? Sheer brilliance!

3. Raggedy Ann and Andy in The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile - I do not remember much of this cartoon. But when this debuted in 1979, I remember seeing commercials that Kiss was going to be on Tom Snyder. Obviously I could not stay up that late, but I got to see the episode many years later. A wonderful episode because Ace Frehley is piss drunk and absolutely hysterical. I recommend you youtube this.

2. Fat Albert Halloween Special - I should say the best reason to watch this, is just to hear Bill Cosby in his Fat Albert voice say,"IT'S THE FAT ALBERT HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEN SPECIAL!" You have the Cosby kids hanging out with Mudfoot who eats 10 wads of gum and talks with his mouth full. I used to impersonate this as a child and annoy every family member along the way.

1. It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - No Contest. I think this is every one's favorite. What other cartoon can take a crazy halloween story and suddenly bring Snoopy's Red Baron role into it. How does this story for kids turn into Apocalypse Now? You have Snoopy in his "aircraft" shooting down German planes, taking in enemy gun fire and then walking in the forest to escape enemies. I don't know about you, but nothing says Halloween like World War I.

Another quick note. Remember when Lucy asks Linus how he is going to mail the letter to the GP in the mail box that is like 10 feet high? So eventually Linus gets the letter up there by using his blanket?

Seriously, how small are these kids and how high are these damn mail boxes?

Happy Halloween Everyone!!

Richmond, CA - The City Where We Sit and Stare

So the story out of the Bay Area where a teenage girl was gang raped at a school dance just keeps getting worse. Police now say 20 people witnessed the entire event.

20 people? Was there a camera crew? Something like this is usually shot to be distributed at your local adult bookstore. This is pure evil.

Also, this was done just outside of the homecoming dance? Nobody who was in attendance said, hmm maybe we should do something? This is wrong? We should stop this? Seriously, nobody did anything?

You mean to tell me the kids who just got pubes like yesterday just sat there and went, this is normal for teenagers to do this? At a friggin home coming dance?

Whatever happened to underage drinking, smoking dope and hanging out at your friends house?

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Soupy Sales is dead. I thought this guy was dead for years. What was his shtick? A pie to the face? Legendary...

Quick Thoughts...

If you are feeling Minnesota and Minnesota does not feel back, can they ask for a restraining order?

Apparently, existing homes sales are at a two year high? Does this mean non-existent home sales are at a two year low?

People You Cannot Trust

I was thinking the other day of people in life you cannot trust anything with. Or maybe they just annoy the living hell out of me. So I decided to make a list. Here is what I came up with. Not in any order.

1. The Perpetual Duh – This is the person who has their mouth open even when they are not talking. They sit there and you can just think in your head, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. They just stare into space and just have that look like they are about to go into a stroke or kill somebody’s cat. Seriously, close your mouth!

2. I Must Wear An Undershirt With Everything Guy, Even Over An Undershirt – I mean, did your grandmother tell you to wear a shirt underneath your shirt before you went outside? I know you are 40 now but come on!

3. Its 120 Degrees Outside So I Must Wear Pants and A Long Sleeve Jacket and If You Are Lucky Play Basketball In The Same Outfit. No explanation necessary.

4. I Go To Karaoke Bars So I Can Be Discovered – Thank You for ruining the time of pretty much everybody at bar by your over singing and selection of serious songs. This is why you are in a karaoke bar and not on tour.

5. The Dead Rock Star Expert – Ah yes, the person who buys greatest hits album of a recently deceased music legend and suddenly becomes expert of said legend. You know who you are Johnny Cash fans.

Ramblins' o The Week

I think it is safe to say Travis Barker needs to update his will.

Give one point for tact and the man who is selling Fire Shirts in a tent off the 118 freeway in LA. WOO HOO, Dead Firefighters, home losses and now you can say you saw the fire! Jack Ass.

I think people who believe Dunkin' Donuts coffee is the greatest have never drank coffee before.

So the crazy Duggar family is now expecting their 19th child. Mom Michelle whose uterus is probably the size of the 405 freeway was asked by People Magazine how she felt. She said, "We are so thrilled,we just couldn't believe it is happening."

Ok, you have 18 children and you are in disbelief? Seriously? Anyone else hope this one is Damien from the Omen?

I saw an article in the LA Times on runner Usain Bolt. The article was called, How does Usain Bolt Do It. I'll take a stab. HE RUNS FASTER THAN US!

Some Thoughts

I wish people who tell others to join a "fight" to put an end to something like, Fight to Stop Hunger or Fight to Cure Autism actually came to the event and physically fought everyone there.

Contrary to popular belief, in Eddie Money's Take me Home Tonight, the lyric of "Just Like Roni Sang, Be My Little Baby" was not originally, Just like Anne Frank Sang, SHHHH.

How much cocaine would we be on if Billy Mays sold it during his infomercials?

I see that Thirtysomething was released on DVD. I think they should reunite to form Sixtysomething. Instead of the cast complaining about meaningless things such as broken appliances, center it around about how hot it is outside and colons. And of course why Melissa is still not married.

Bravo Scotland!

It is really disheartening to learn that Scotland has freed Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, who took part in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 on Dec. 21, 1988. al-Megrahi, has been given months to live after being diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

To refresh your memory, 270 people were murdered in the attacks. 259 died in the mid-air explosion while 11 people were killed from the explosion on the ground.

So, Scotland's justice system is showing compassion by allowing him to die at home and flying him back to Libya. As you can imagine, family members of those who died are outraged, as well as so many around the world. So, here is my solution.

Have the pilot and crew fly al-Megrahi home. Once the crew is over a nice stretch of barren African desert, have the entire crew parachute off the plane and yell out, pay back's a bitch.

Just sayin...

Everybody Deserves a Second Chance or Seventh.

For a brief moment last night, I actually forgave Michael Vick. I mean, that is what we are supposed to do right? But last night after I heard Donovan McNabb say everybody deserves a second chance,I remembered:

1. Electrocuting Dogs
2. Drowning Dogs
3. Hanging innocent puppies in a tree so that pit bulls can tear them to shreds.
4. Taking family member pets and putting them in the fighting ring to get mauled.
5. Getting arrested for smoking dope outside the courthouse while on trial for dog fighting.

So I guess this would be his 6th chance? I can see once he gets his paycheck from Philly, he will be giving fans the finger again. Which of course would be his 7th chance since he has done that already.

So what is worse Philly? Being the heroin capital of the U.S. or being home to Michael Vick?

Cliche Carnival

Here are some cliched sayings that I think would benefit us all if we never heard again.

Everything Happens For a Reason - Incorrect. Sometimes things happen. Stop hanging on for meanings and wasting your time deflecting a problem.

It Is What It Is - No it is not. I think this is the worst of them all. What it is, is that you are too lazy to deal with it.

You Are What You Eat - I am in no way shape or form a box of Special K Red Berries Cereal.

In My Honest Opinion - No, please lie to me to make this more interesting.

I think he is the youngest boy to fake his death

Now this would freak anyone out, but I think he may be the youngest boy ever to fake his death.

In Paraguay, a baby boy that was born 4 months premature was declared dead at the hospital. Hours later at his wake, he woke up and let everyone know he was still alive.

According to his doctor, he weighed only 500 grams when he was born and did not have a heartbeat. Therefore, they declared him dead.

So the family was given the death certificate and a makeshift cardboard coffin. Because that is how they roll in Paraguay.

So they come to the wake, they opened up the box and low and behold the baby is crying,kicking and screaming leading everybody to freak out.

Just in case you are wondering,Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

Random Musings

I think if anyone objects to the Obama administration's spending, then I ask all parents who received the extra $1500.00 tax credit for their child to give it back. That includes the interest.

I wish FOX would stop putting it in my face and ask if I think I can dance. When did I say I could?

You know your sports organization has fallen into the crapper when your top draft pick is prepared to sit out the season and reenter the draft in 2010. San Francisco 49ers, where have you gone?

Just when I was holding out hope for a sequel to Curley Sue, John Hughes has to die.

To that end, for some reason, why do I keep thinking it's John Holmes for every obit I keep reading about John Hughes.

Jim Rice - Hall of Fame Ignorance

Ok, I am a Yankee fan and have always considered myself to be fairly objective regardless who my favorite team is.

But when Jim Rice, who I believe should not be in the HOF ahead of people like Andre Dawson, criticizes the Yankees because they spent a ton of money that affected the Red Sox chances of winning boggles my mind.

Hmm, lets see, who choked a 14 game lead in 1978? The Yankees? No, the Red Sox. All you had to Jim was win half of your games and you failed. But I guess its the Yankees fault.

Oh and the lavish spending. Who beat you in the one game playoff Reggie Jackson??? Catfish Hunter? No, BUCKY FRIGGIN DENT!!! A guy that hit 40 career home runs and one that still stings for all Boston fans till this day.

Shall we also forget Jim the biggest reason you did not win a title? RACE!

No African American wanted to sign with Boston because of the organizations racist history and racist owner. It is common knowledge that players went out of their way to spite the Red Sox because of this. Boston just "celebrated" its 50 year anniversary of when their first African American player, Pumpsie Green played in game.

But is that even a pleasant anniversary? 50 years as the last team to integrate? Well, that is another story for another day.

So Jim played from 1974-1989. So during that time the Yankees, just like the Red Sox made 4 post season appearances. The Red Sox also played in 2 World Series and both not against the Yankees who allegedly stood in their way. So why do the Yankees get the flak of being the sole reason for Boston not to win a championship? It seems the other American League teams did just fine. I mean,why not blame:

The Cincinnati Reds for defeating you in the World Series?
Baltimore for getting in your way in 1979 and 1983?
Milwaukee in 1982?
Detroit in 1984 or 1987?
How about the Royals in 80 or 85?
Minnesota? Oakland?

Why not Bill Buckner and Bob Stanley? You were only one strike away in 1986! Buckner's error or Stanley's wild pitch in the 9th had nothing to do with it. One strike away Jim. Just one. Was George Steinbrenner at Shea Stadium throwing rocks at you while you were up? You blew it, deal with it.

So once again Jim, congrats on making yourself and "Red Sox Nation" as myopic as ever.

With that, how can you not love the Yankees Shelly Duncan's autograph?

Lebron Gets Dunked On

Finally a copy of the video that shows Lebron James getting dunked on has been released. Check it out!

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Blake Lively Hosts Grand Opening of Swarovski CRYSTALLIZED

Michael McDonald The Voice of God

I truly believe the world would be a happier place if we all spoke the way Michael McDonald sang.






Even the Family Guy sort of acknowledged this fact in one of their episodes. So to that end, here are some words that I think I would like us all to try if we all spoke this way. So lets try them. In Michael's voice, we say

10. Falafel
9. Obama
8. Swisher Sweet
7. Hay Ride
6. Parallelogram
5. Hungry
4. Bubble Gum
3. Tumultuous
2. Brisket
1. Conquistodor

CALL RIGHT NOW AND

Billy Mays has died.








So Mays family, if you call right now, you will receive two funerals for only 19.95. If you call in the next 15 minutes, I will slash the price to 9.95!

Michael McDonald Hendrix

I just realized, Michael McDonald would have been the perfect voice for Jimi Hendrix songs if he did not sing his own songs. Seriously, get yourself in Michael mode and sing:

HEY JOE, WHERE ARE YOU GOING WITH THAT GUN IN YOUR HAND.

HEEEEEEEERRE'S COFFIN!

Ed McMahon died shortly after midnight this morning. He was 86. Judging by the boat load of money he lost from gold-diggers and bad investments, he was 194.







Haunt them buddy!

Random Musings

Well it seems Mike Tyson is officially done mourning as he just got married two weeks after his child's death.

Am I the only one that wants to smash their vehicle into a Smart Car?

Speaking of which, why do so many people who have Prius's drive 10 miles an hour in the car pool lane?

Andrew Gallo, the man accused of killing Los Angeles Angel Nick Adenhart and his two friends has pleaded not guilty in his trial. It is not known if the car will stand trial.

Stan Van Gundy is Ron Jeremy.

Kwai Chang Caine Pinata Turns Out to be David Carradine

In Bangkok, a hotel worker who was cleaning the closet of David Carradine's room thought she spotted a Kwai Chang Caine pinata from the 70's television show Kung Fu.

Before taking her broom to strike the pinata, she realized it was in fact David Carradine who reportedly hung himself. He was 72.

UPDATE!!!

Apparently, the police have ruled out a suicide. Reports are coming in saying that the death resulted from auto-asphyxiation with a cord also wrapped around his testicles.

Michael Hutchence has nothing on you grasshopper!

Congrats Cynthia Nixon!

I am so happy that Cynthia Nixon is engaged to Jared Rushton. You may remember Jared from such 80's greats such as Big, Honey, I Shrunk the Kids and Pet Cemetery 2. In case you do not, here is a picture.

Make it Clap

If you are happy, but completely unaware of it, do you still clap your hands?

Why is it when people that come from England or Australia lose their accents when they sing?

To that end, why do country music artists not from the south sound like they are from the south. Keith Urban? Merle Haggard? C'mon Merle, you are from fricken Bakersfield, CA and you are also not an OKIE from Muskogee!

I saw a woman whose first name was Marbelle. I thought it would be funny if she married the Scorpions drummer Herman Rarebell. Her name would be Marbelle Rarbell.

Now that Danny Gans has sadly passed away, do Rita Rudner and Lance Burton feel a sigh of releif that now they can become the entertainer of the year. More importantly, does Wayne Newton get his old job back?

And Then There's No Maude

Such a sad day. Bea Arthur, star of Maude and The Golden Girls is dead.

Thank you for being a friend Bea. Thank You.

Random Musings

When is reinventing oneself not selling out?

At least Jimi Hendrix and Michael Hutchense choked with dignity. What can be said year after year of the San Jose Sharks?

What are conservatives conserving?

Are gay men in Quebec openly Guy?

My Son is not a Monster

I just read the presser after on the guy who killed LA Angel Nick Adenhart, Andrew Gallo and his court appearance.

Apparently, his father, Thomas Gallo says the family are receiving death threats and those same people believe his son is a monster.

I am sorry, I am 100 percent behind Thomas Gallo here. His son is not a monster.

Grover, Ernie, Cookie and Elmo are monsters. I like Monsters. His son is a drunk and a murderer. A murderer on three counts.

Then, his mom Sandra went on to say, "It was an accident,he never meant to hurt anybody, ever."

Ok, how many DUI's does a guy need for his enabler mom to see the light? If you drink, you become what alcohol makes you. A murderer.

So to recap:

Cute Lovable Furry Monster







Murderer





I love enablers.

Enough of it!

OK, I get it. Susan Boyle is unattractive and yet sings like the lead in Heavens Choir.

How many times do I have to see this damn video and have every one play on how ugly she is but sounds amazing.

Why don't you just talk about her voice rather than focus on the fact that the chick has never been kissed or what have you.

Oh ya, otherwise we wouldn't care and she would be just another Julie Andrews or Sarah Brightman.

By All Means, Please be a Cowboy

So I am driving in my car the last few days and I have seen a few cars that have the sticker to let everyone know to Cowboy Up or Shut Up.

So in response to these folks and their fascination to be cowboys, I would like the following rules to be applied to their lives:

From now on, you cannot drive a car. You can only use a wagon or ride a horse.

You can no longer drink water from the tap or a bottle, you must go to a well.

You can no longer dress in any modern fashion. I want to see chaps, spurs, hats, bandannas and boots. No jeans as they were not around then either.

You can only live on a ranch or in a tent.

You can no longer go to the grocery store and buy food. You can only grow or raise food.

Modern appliances are of no use to you. You cannot watch any television,use the computer,listen to the radio, get the phone or anything for that matter than involves electricity.

You cannot use fed ex or any overnight service to send mail and you have to wait the normal month to get a letter.

You cannot take a plane, bus or subway. Train is acceptable. But you will still go to jail if you rob it.

If your home is on fire or somebody needs help, you cannot call 911.

So go ahead, cowboy up.

Something Tells Me His New Pals Will Not "Let it Be."

Now that Phil Spector was found guilty of Second Degree Murder, I think his songs may come back to haunt him when he meets his new inmates.

Songs you may hear Phil start singing in the house.


* "To Know Him Is to Love Him"
* "Every Breath I Take" – Gene Pitney
* "I Love How You Love Me" – The Paris Sisters
* "He Knows I Love Him Too Much"
* "Let Me Be the One"
* "Second Hand Love"
* "He's A Rebel"
* "He's Sure the Boy I Love"
* "(Today I Met) The Boy I’m Gonna Marry"
* "Then He Kissed Me"
* "Wait ’Til My Bobby Gets Home"
* "Be My Baby" – The Ronettes
* "A Fine Fine Boy" – Darlene Love
* "You've Lost That Lovin' Feelin'"
* "The Long and Winding Road")

Marylin Chambers is dead

Porn legend Marylin Chambers was found dead at her home today. It is unclear if they found her behind the green door.

I Guess He Ran Out of Hit Points

Dave Arneson, one of the co-creators of the Dungeons & Dragons has died.

It is unclear now who will play the role of dungeon master.

Such is Life

Who is Barry Manilow thinking of taking to that Weekend in New England? My guess is Randy.

Why do we forgive NFL Steroid users and not Major League Baseball's?

Why do we stare at our cell phones instead of talking to others on them?

When will Elton John dedicate Candle in the Wind to Natasha Richardson?

What says I love you more than the stencil epitaph on the car window? I am thinking of renting out my car window to use as an epitaph for those whose 95 year old grandmothers and gang-banger children have died.

Random Musings

I don't think you can say you have ran a marathon when you walked portions of it.

Do you think Barry Manilow had a guy named Randy in mind when he wrote Mandy?

I think if you got caught between the moon and New York City, chances are you will fall to your death.

Now that Life on Mars is done, when will Life on Uranus begin?

I am still trying to find two people who still watch ER. Anyone?

Well, you cannot really see him tonight.

Dan Seals, half of the 70's pop team of England Dan and John Ford Coley is dead. There biggest hit was 1976's 'I'd Really Love to See You Tonight.'

Friday Ramblings

Maybe actors would not threaten to strike if they actually made shows people would watch that actually involved actors.

I am surprised at how many people on Facebook knew Natasha Richardson well enough to put her in their status. I am sure she would reciprocate.

I am still wondering why people throw their cigarettes from their car out the window and not place them in an ashtray. If you are stinking up your car already and you reek of smoke, why are you littering?

I clearly have a drinking problem. By that I mean, I need to drink something else other than my first few cups of coffee in the morning.

Cover Bands I Would Like to See

Feeling the inspiration from my friends Paul and Bob and their idea of seeing an all-chicken cover band of The Who (The Chicken Who featuring Roger Poultry) I have decided that I myself would like to see the following cover bands:

Begis - Regis Philbin's tribute to the Bee Gee's.

Emmy Lou Alex Karras - Former NFL great and star of Webster Alex Karras's tribute to Emmy Lou Harris.

Mutley Crue - Mutley the Dog's tribute to Motley Crue. Vocals are all sung in Mutley's classic laugh.

The Sequin Indians - Native American band dressed in sequins who salute Glen Campbell by performing a 95 minute rendition of Rhinestone Cowboy.

Not Thrilled to be Alive - Grateful Dead Tribute band covered by goths.

and last but not least...

Good Atheists - Bad Religion cover band.

Random Musings

There are not enough people in the world named Thurston.

I see nothing wrong in making fun of the dead. I cannot help it if they are unable to defend themselves.

When Arabs and Jews fight in the Middle East,which country is anti-semetic?

Do you think Earth,Wind and Fire will have a Fantasy Camp?

I think the TV Show Big Brother should be about older brothers.

How cool would it be if there was an Octo-Papa?

Chris and Rhianna to duet!!!

So apparently this Chris Brown and Rihanna thing just keeps getting better. Reports are now coming out that the two are working on a duet. Here are some working titles.

I Bruise Easily (But if fruit can take it, so can you)

Punch de Replay

Punch My Face (Don't Let Up)

Forever (Where Do You Think Your Goin?)

Cover Songs they can duet:

It's a Hit (Rilo Kiley)
Hit Me with your Best Shot (Pat Benetar)
The Hitter (Bruce Springsteen)

There is the old tasteless joke of what do 1,000,000 battered women have in common? They don't listen. Great job Rihanna on making the dream a reality.

Bob Marley is a Plagiarist Part 2

First it was the Banana Splits theme song and Buffalo Soldier.

Now it's John Lennon? Come on Robert!


Oh Yoko



No Woman, No Cry

My First Concert

It was 1981, my father was on a business trip on the east coast. Whenever he went somewhere, especially New York, we knew that always meant he would come back with presents. I will never forget this because he came home with brand new New York Yankee jackets for my brother and I. But this time, he came home with something to accompany it.

After sifting through his suitcase, my father went to my brother and said here you go. My brothers reaction was of pure joy, it was an album from a band that he wanted, Air Supply.

So, I take a look at the cover, and this is what I see:







My first reaction, was what in God's name is this? But probably more juvenile considering I was 6 or 7. I was used to seeing Gene Simmons on a cover scaring the hell out of me or Leif Garrett looking super cool in his leather jacket and gold chains. But who hot air balloon on an album? So, I figure since my brother is responsible for introducing me to Kiss, maybe he is on to something. So I decided to give it a chance.

So as my brother puts the record on, I am holding the album cover and decide to turn it over. The "band" is on the back cover and I notice two things, that two people are named Russell and the Asian bass player named Rex. Yes, Rex.

The first song comes on and it's a soft poptastic ballad. The next song comes on and it's a soft poptastic ballad. Then the next poptastic ballad and so on. Needless to say, I wanted to die.

So a few weeks go by and my Dad comes home with the news, we are all going to see Air Supply at the Greek Theatre. WHAT?!?!?!??!?! WHY?!?! I have been good! So in my typical fashion, I said I am not going. Well...probably not. I probably started yelling and crying and saying something mean to somebody, but really, I wanted nothing to do with this.

So the months went on, the album was played more and more and I became more and more depressed. Then, a glimmer of hope. My brother and I as always watched Solid Gold. I always paid special notice to the black woman with the long black hair. What a hottie. OK, back to the point. So as we watch, we hear that the singer of Air Supply got into an accident and broke his arm. I was thinking, maybe the concert would be canceled!!!

But it wasn't and off to the Greek we went. Probably making immature comments until show time, we sat down in our seats. The opening act was a comic. Quality. At least it was not Player or Orleans.

So the show starts and all of sudden you hear the screeches of girls going ape shit. The Supply goes probably into one of their hit songs which who knows what it was. All I know is a female fan in front of me brought two candle sticks and held them up the entire night. I would have loved to have been with this shmuck before she left. Got my keys, purse ahh yes, candles.

The highlight of the night though was when they played their current hit song, Making Love Out of Nothing At All. The song starts, the female population have probably wet themselves the moment the classic piano intro started. On a black screen behind the band, comes out a frolicking lasered unicorn.

Can somebody tell me that their was a band meeting for this?

Graham Russell: Hey Russell, what do you think this show needs to spice it up? Fire? Extra lights? Tapestries of our album cover?

Russell: How about unicorns???

Rex: You had me at corn.

So to this day, I am always jealous when people say their first concert was something classic. I let them know mine was Air Supply and Laser unicorn.

I Love Women's Lib!

I just am so happy for Rhianna for not succumbing to everyone's pleas to leave Chris Brown. The temptation to resist a punch to the face is just too too much. Who are we to judge? I mean, it's not hurting anyone right? I am so happy for her to go with her gut! Even if it has a hand print in it.

You go Rhianna! Women's Lib Shmib! Go with your head, if it isn't in stitches.

As they say, you can't rape the willing...

So I wonder

Were Paul Harvey's last words today, Good Night?

Setting up the what???

Not sure if this is one you want to see set up, but funny nonetheless.

Cover Bands I Would Like to See

Feeling the inspiration from my friends Paul and Bob and their idea of seeing an all-chicken cover band of The Who (The Chicken Who featuring Roger Poultry) I have decided that I myself would like to see the following cover bands:

Begis - Regis Philbin's tribute to the Bee Gee's.

Emmy Lou Alex Karras - Former NFL great and star of Webster Alex Karras's tribute to Emmy Lou Harris.

Mutley Crue - Mutley the Dog's tribute to Motley Crue. Vocals are all sung in Mutley's classic laugh.

The Sequin Indians - Native American band dressed in sequins who salute Glen Campbell by performing a 95 minute rendition of Rhinestone Cowboy.

Not Thrilled to be Alive - Grateful Dead Tribute band covered by goths.

and last but not least...

Good Atheists - Bad Religion cover band.

Op"porn"tunity

So apparently Nadya Suleman, aka Octo-Mom has been contacted by adult-film company Vivid Entertainment to make her own porno. The offer apparently is for $1,000,000. Quality.

Personally, I feel like she should take this offer. Why should the tax payers have to pay for her addiction and whacked out behavior?





As gross as this sounds, I cannot help but think of titles should she accept their offer. Here are some suggestions:

Octopus's Garden
Eight Ball
Eight Men Out
"8"67-5309(Nadya)
Eight Days a Week
Have you Eighten yet?
Eight Miles Wide
Nadya 8
Eight Crazy Nights
Eight is Enough
Dinner at 8

Sadly, I can do this all day.

Randoms for the day...

Why do we still ride horses? I mean, with all of these methods of transportation, can't we give these guys a break?

How bad a ball player must you be if the Kansas City Royals or Pittsburgh Pirates designate you for assignment?

And lastly, I leave you more proof of the genius of Jim Henson who approved the idea of Alice Cooper hosting the Muppet Show. I still wish he sang Only Women Bleed with Miss Piggy. But this duet of You and Me works too.

Lose vs. Loose

I have never considered myself a grammar scholar. But I do know a few things.

The opposite of winning is losing, not loosing.

When you do not win a game, you lose a game. You do not loose a game.

When an article of clothing is not tight on you, then it is loose. You do not own a lose pair of jeans and your tooth is not lose.

Make sense? Book it.

Random Musings

When does somebody say, "Okay, I know this shopping cart is not mine, but I will take my store bought items home with it and leave the cart behind?"

Why do we ask people to own up to steroid use in major league baseball and once they do, pound on them for telling the truth?

Can't we just cut down more trees and produce more money? Recession solved!!!

Again, my powers spread to others

Well, my power to kill celebs again has now embraced my wife in full form. Fresh off killing Eartha Kitt in December, Jill, a soap opera watcher, heard last week that the actor who played Clint on One Life to Live died. She asked if the guy who played Asa is still alive.

NOT ANY MORE!!!!!!

From today's LA Times:

Philip Carey, the ruggedly handsome veteran actor who costarred in the 1960s TV western "Laredo" and more recently played the long-running role of a bigger-than-life Texas tycoon on the ABC soap opera "One Life to Live," has died. He was 83.

Love it!

So the question is, should I blog about people I and or others think about and wonder if they are dead to give you a heads up?

Babes & Beer = Fire

Early this morning in Tarzana, an exotic dancer was set on fire by two individuals. outside the "Night Club" Babes & Beer,

I do feel sad that somebody would ever want to do this to anyone. But is it me or is it ironic that this happened at a place called Babes & Beer?

Random Musings

Do Roosters refer to their penises as Humans?

If Australia is the land down under, which country is over the top?

I think yellow face is a better term than Jaundice.

OOOOH THAT SMELL!!

OOOOH That Smell! Can't You Smell That Smell!

Well of course you can. It's Billy Powell the original piano player from Lynyrd Skynyrd . He's dead.

He was the guy who claimed back up singer Cassie Gaines died in his arms after the plane crash. He later retracted that statement once Artemus Pyle said that was BS.

The Stage is Set for Born Again Christian Bowl XLIII

On February 1, 2009, Jesus will have an extremely tough decision to make. Who will we guide to victory to Super Bowl XLIII, Kurt Warner or Ben Roethlisberger?

Both have been extremely loyal to Jesus. As you know, they both thank him for every victory. However, they do neglect him like most when they lose.

Finally, we will have an answer to see who Jesus he really prefers. Lets see what we are working with.

Ben writes "PFJ" (Play for Jesus) on his shoes. Do you think he donates his salary to Jesus considering he is playing for him? Sort of like a designated Jesus? I think he should.

Kurt on the other hand brings bibles to press conferences for the entire media.

Hopefully, Jesus is out producing another Grammy-Award winning Hip-Hop album that day. But then again, it will really answer a lot of questions.

Sorry Mr. Rourke

So my wife and I were watching Right Cross with Ricardo Montalban and thought to myself, I thought Ricardo was really sick. Two hours later dead.

Sorry dude...