What I Learned from Ronnie James Dio

One of the greatest singers of not only heavy metal, but of all time passed away today. Ronnie was one of my favorites and forever will be. This is what I learned from him.



I learned that you will know for the first time, if your evil or divine you are the last in line.

Sail on - Sing your song - carry on

If you walk in golden halls, you get to keep the gold that falls.

Is a wise man always wise? NO! He can play the fool.

We are fire, we are a flame and we burn at the touch of a spark.

Then on with the change,It was simple but strange and you knew the feeling seemed to say it all

LOOK OUT!

Your a dancer, but you're dancing on air,just a matter of time till you fall.

Love can be seen as the answer, but nobody bleeds for the dancer

There is a place just south of witches valley, where they say the wind won't blow.

If you listen to fools, the mob rules.

The devil is never a maker, the less that you give, you're a taker

The lover of life is not a sinner,the ending is just a beginner

Well if it seems to be real, it's illusion

Throw me a penny and I'll make you a dream.

Time is a never ending journey,Love is a never ending smile.

Never trust your shadow in the dark.

I'm the sun, I'm the sun,I can move, I can run But you'll never stop me burning.

When there's lightning - it always bring me down.

We pray to someone, But when it's said and done,It's really all the same
With just a different name.

We're all born upon the cross.The throw before the toss.You can release yourself
But the only way is down.

Holy Diver, your the star of the masquerade, no need to look so afraid.

Random Musings for a February Morning

Do dumb people make dumb decisions? If they do, are they dumber for it?

When did the Charlie Chaplin mustache become the Hitler mustache?

Since a Groundhog is a Woodchuck, I want to make a motion to make Groundhog's Day, Woodchuck Day. Woodchuck Wednesday's has a much better ring, plus another reason to get off work early.

Imagine if everyone of your friends who leaves a status update about the show Lost suddenly says, "Oh I see."

I think Snookie from the Jersey Shore is proof that Fred Flintstone is alive and in drag.

Last Musings of 2009

Is it weird to change or go to the bathroom in front of your dog? I guess it is reciprocal for us watching them pee and poop on a walk.

If you have a lisp, at what age do you decide to not sound like a child any more? I mean get the thing fixed already!

When is a blue collar town going to be referred to as the town of people who did not try hard enough?

Empire State of Mind

Jay-Z and Alicia Keyes have a new song called an Empire State of Mind. Get it? Not New York, because that would have sounded too much like Billy Joel's New York State of Mind which most people associate the title with.

Here are some other song titles they played with but felt it would have been to similar to Billy:

Keyboard Man
Captain Jacques
You May Be Correct
Scenes from a Venetian Resturaunt
I Go Over the Top
An Innocent Male
Uptown Lady
Only the Good Die Small
It's Still Rock N' Roll to Myself
Upset Young Man

Best Halloween TV Specials

The best part about the holidays outside of food, candy and presents, OK fine family, are all the cool cartoon/TV oriented specials. I still get giddy when I see ads for shows I used to love as a kid. Since it is Halloween, here are my top five favorite Halloween specials:

5. Bugs Bunny's Howl-Oween Special - Granted, this was just a rehash of old cartoons, but I love watching the episode when Bugsy pal is dressed up like Hansel and the witch tries to eat him.

4. Paul Lynde Halloween Special - I was 3 years old and I was just blown away because KISS made it's national TV debut and performed three songs.

Take into consideration you have Paul Lynde, Margaret Hamilton, Witchie Poo (Billie Hayes H.R. Puff n Stuff), Florence Henderson performing a disco version of That Old Black Magic and Disco Lady. Oh yes, The Osmonds!! All of this ads to a cornucopia of what the hell is this? Sheer brilliance!

3. Raggedy Ann and Andy in The Pumpkin Who Couldn't Smile - I do not remember much of this cartoon. But when this debuted in 1979, I remember seeing commercials that Kiss was going to be on Tom Snyder. Obviously I could not stay up that late, but I got to see the episode many years later. A wonderful episode because Ace Frehley is piss drunk and absolutely hysterical. I recommend you youtube this.

2. Fat Albert Halloween Special - I should say the best reason to watch this, is just to hear Bill Cosby in his Fat Albert voice say,"IT'S THE FAT ALBERT HALLOWEEEEEEEEEEEN SPECIAL!" You have the Cosby kids hanging out with Mudfoot who eats 10 wads of gum and talks with his mouth full. I used to impersonate this as a child and annoy every family member along the way.

1. It's The Great Pumpkin Charlie Brown - No Contest. I think this is every one's favorite. What other cartoon can take a crazy halloween story and suddenly bring Snoopy's Red Baron role into it. How does this story for kids turn into Apocalypse Now? You have Snoopy in his "aircraft" shooting down German planes, taking in enemy gun fire and then walking in the forest to escape enemies. I don't know about you, but nothing says Halloween like World War I.

Another quick note. Remember when Lucy asks Linus how he is going to mail the letter to the GP in the mail box that is like 10 feet high? So eventually Linus gets the letter up there by using his blanket?

Seriously, how small are these kids and how high are these damn mail boxes?

Happy Halloween Everyone!!

Richmond, CA - The City Where We Sit and Stare

So the story out of the Bay Area where a teenage girl was gang raped at a school dance just keeps getting worse. Police now say 20 people witnessed the entire event.

20 people? Was there a camera crew? Something like this is usually shot to be distributed at your local adult bookstore. This is pure evil.

Also, this was done just outside of the homecoming dance? Nobody who was in attendance said, hmm maybe we should do something? This is wrong? We should stop this? Seriously, nobody did anything?

You mean to tell me the kids who just got pubes like yesterday just sat there and went, this is normal for teenagers to do this? At a friggin home coming dance?

Whatever happened to underage drinking, smoking dope and hanging out at your friends house?

NO SOUP FOR YOU!

Soupy Sales is dead. I thought this guy was dead for years. What was his shtick? A pie to the face? Legendary...

Quick Thoughts...

If you are feeling Minnesota and Minnesota does not feel back, can they ask for a restraining order?

Apparently, existing homes sales are at a two year high? Does this mean non-existent home sales are at a two year low?

People You Cannot Trust

I was thinking the other day of people in life you cannot trust anything with. Or maybe they just annoy the living hell out of me. So I decided to make a list. Here is what I came up with. Not in any order.

1. The Perpetual Duh – This is the person who has their mouth open even when they are not talking. They sit there and you can just think in your head, duhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh. They just stare into space and just have that look like they are about to go into a stroke or kill somebody’s cat. Seriously, close your mouth!

2. I Must Wear An Undershirt With Everything Guy, Even Over An Undershirt – I mean, did your grandmother tell you to wear a shirt underneath your shirt before you went outside? I know you are 40 now but come on!

3. Its 120 Degrees Outside So I Must Wear Pants and A Long Sleeve Jacket and If You Are Lucky Play Basketball In The Same Outfit. No explanation necessary.

4. I Go To Karaoke Bars So I Can Be Discovered – Thank You for ruining the time of pretty much everybody at bar by your over singing and selection of serious songs. This is why you are in a karaoke bar and not on tour.

5. The Dead Rock Star Expert – Ah yes, the person who buys greatest hits album of a recently deceased music legend and suddenly becomes expert of said legend. You know who you are Johnny Cash fans.

Ramblins' o The Week

I think it is safe to say Travis Barker needs to update his will.

Give one point for tact and the man who is selling Fire Shirts in a tent off the 118 freeway in LA. WOO HOO, Dead Firefighters, home losses and now you can say you saw the fire! Jack Ass.

I think people who believe Dunkin' Donuts coffee is the greatest have never drank coffee before.

So the crazy Duggar family is now expecting their 19th child. Mom Michelle whose uterus is probably the size of the 405 freeway was asked by People Magazine how she felt. She said, "We are so thrilled,we just couldn't believe it is happening."

Ok, you have 18 children and you are in disbelief? Seriously? Anyone else hope this one is Damien from the Omen?

I saw an article in the LA Times on runner Usain Bolt. The article was called, How does Usain Bolt Do It. I'll take a stab. HE RUNS FASTER THAN US!

Some Thoughts

I wish people who tell others to join a "fight" to put an end to something like, Fight to Stop Hunger or Fight to Cure Autism actually came to the event and physically fought everyone there.

Contrary to popular belief, in Eddie Money's Take me Home Tonight, the lyric of "Just Like Roni Sang, Be My Little Baby" was not originally, Just like Anne Frank Sang, SHHHH.

How much cocaine would we be on if Billy Mays sold it during his infomercials?

I see that Thirtysomething was released on DVD. I think they should reunite to form Sixtysomething. Instead of the cast complaining about meaningless things such as broken appliances, center it around about how hot it is outside and colons. And of course why Melissa is still not married.

Bravo Scotland!

It is really disheartening to learn that Scotland has freed Abdel Baset al-Megrahi, who took part in the bombing of Pan Am Flight 103 on Dec. 21, 1988. al-Megrahi, has been given months to live after being diagnosed with advanced prostate cancer.

To refresh your memory, 270 people were murdered in the attacks. 259 died in the mid-air explosion while 11 people were killed from the explosion on the ground.

So, Scotland's justice system is showing compassion by allowing him to die at home and flying him back to Libya. As you can imagine, family members of those who died are outraged, as well as so many around the world. So, here is my solution.

Have the pilot and crew fly al-Megrahi home. Once the crew is over a nice stretch of barren African desert, have the entire crew parachute off the plane and yell out, pay back's a bitch.

Just sayin...

Everybody Deserves a Second Chance or Seventh.

For a brief moment last night, I actually forgave Michael Vick. I mean, that is what we are supposed to do right? But last night after I heard Donovan McNabb say everybody deserves a second chance,I remembered:

1. Electrocuting Dogs
2. Drowning Dogs
3. Hanging innocent puppies in a tree so that pit bulls can tear them to shreds.
4. Taking family member pets and putting them in the fighting ring to get mauled.
5. Getting arrested for smoking dope outside the courthouse while on trial for dog fighting.

So I guess this would be his 6th chance? I can see once he gets his paycheck from Philly, he will be giving fans the finger again. Which of course would be his 7th chance since he has done that already.

So what is worse Philly? Being the heroin capital of the U.S. or being home to Michael Vick?

Cliche Carnival

Here are some cliched sayings that I think would benefit us all if we never heard again.

Everything Happens For a Reason - Incorrect. Sometimes things happen. Stop hanging on for meanings and wasting your time deflecting a problem.

It Is What It Is - No it is not. I think this is the worst of them all. What it is, is that you are too lazy to deal with it.

You Are What You Eat - I am in no way shape or form a box of Special K Red Berries Cereal.

In My Honest Opinion - No, please lie to me to make this more interesting.

I think he is the youngest boy to fake his death

Now this would freak anyone out, but I think he may be the youngest boy ever to fake his death.

In Paraguay, a baby boy that was born 4 months premature was declared dead at the hospital. Hours later at his wake, he woke up and let everyone know he was still alive.

According to his doctor, he weighed only 500 grams when he was born and did not have a heartbeat. Therefore, they declared him dead.

So the family was given the death certificate and a makeshift cardboard coffin. Because that is how they roll in Paraguay.

So they come to the wake, they opened up the box and low and behold the baby is crying,kicking and screaming leading everybody to freak out.

Just in case you are wondering,Generalissimo Francisco Franco is still dead.

Random Musings

I think if anyone objects to the Obama administration's spending, then I ask all parents who received the extra $1500.00 tax credit for their child to give it back. That includes the interest.

I wish FOX would stop putting it in my face and ask if I think I can dance. When did I say I could?

You know your sports organization has fallen into the crapper when your top draft pick is prepared to sit out the season and reenter the draft in 2010. San Francisco 49ers, where have you gone?

Just when I was holding out hope for a sequel to Curley Sue, John Hughes has to die.

To that end, for some reason, why do I keep thinking it's John Holmes for every obit I keep reading about John Hughes.

Jim Rice - Hall of Fame Ignorance

Ok, I am a Yankee fan and have always considered myself to be fairly objective regardless who my favorite team is.

But when Jim Rice, who I believe should not be in the HOF ahead of people like Andre Dawson, criticizes the Yankees because they spent a ton of money that affected the Red Sox chances of winning boggles my mind.

Hmm, lets see, who choked a 14 game lead in 1978? The Yankees? No, the Red Sox. All you had to Jim was win half of your games and you failed. But I guess its the Yankees fault.

Oh and the lavish spending. Who beat you in the one game playoff Reggie Jackson??? Catfish Hunter? No, BUCKY FRIGGIN DENT!!! A guy that hit 40 career home runs and one that still stings for all Boston fans till this day.

Shall we also forget Jim the biggest reason you did not win a title? RACE!

No African American wanted to sign with Boston because of the organizations racist history and racist owner. It is common knowledge that players went out of their way to spite the Red Sox because of this. Boston just "celebrated" its 50 year anniversary of when their first African American player, Pumpsie Green played in game.

But is that even a pleasant anniversary? 50 years as the last team to integrate? Well, that is another story for another day.

So Jim played from 1974-1989. So during that time the Yankees, just like the Red Sox made 4 post season appearances. The Red Sox also played in 2 World Series and both not against the Yankees who allegedly stood in their way. So why do the Yankees get the flak of being the sole reason for Boston not to win a championship? It seems the other American League teams did just fine. I mean,why not blame:

The Cincinnati Reds for defeating you in the World Series?
Baltimore for getting in your way in 1979 and 1983?
Milwaukee in 1982?
Detroit in 1984 or 1987?
How about the Royals in 80 or 85?
Minnesota? Oakland?

Why not Bill Buckner and Bob Stanley? You were only one strike away in 1986! Buckner's error or Stanley's wild pitch in the 9th had nothing to do with it. One strike away Jim. Just one. Was George Steinbrenner at Shea Stadium throwing rocks at you while you were up? You blew it, deal with it.

So once again Jim, congrats on making yourself and "Red Sox Nation" as myopic as ever.

With that, how can you not love the Yankees Shelly Duncan's autograph?

Lebron Gets Dunked On

Finally a copy of the video that shows Lebron James getting dunked on has been released. Check it out!

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Blake Lively Hosts Grand Opening of Swarovski CRYSTALLIZED

Michael McDonald The Voice of God

I truly believe the world would be a happier place if we all spoke the way Michael McDonald sang.






Even the Family Guy sort of acknowledged this fact in one of their episodes. So to that end, here are some words that I think I would like us all to try if we all spoke this way. So lets try them. In Michael's voice, we say

10. Falafel
9. Obama
8. Swisher Sweet
7. Hay Ride
6. Parallelogram
5. Hungry
4. Bubble Gum
3. Tumultuous
2. Brisket
1. Conquistodor

CALL RIGHT NOW AND

Billy Mays has died.








So Mays family, if you call right now, you will receive two funerals for only 19.95. If you call in the next 15 minutes, I will slash the price to 9.95!